I know this blog is typically all jokes and powdered sugar, but today will be different.  Yesterday, a friend of mine passed away.  I won’t go into the details, but it really affected me.  It was sudden, and I’m left now with the seemingly impossible fact that he isn’t there anymore.  There was this person who was a part of my life, and now he isn’t.

I’ve never dealt with death before.  Besides the occasional distant relative passing, I’ve been spared from losing people close to me.  Because of that, I don’t know how to feel.  I don’t know what to think or what to do.  I want to cry, but then I feel like I’m overreacting.  If I’m not crying, I feel like I’m not caring enough.  I’m trying to move on and act like everything is okay, but the bottom line is that it isn’t.

In the midst of thinking about his family and how awful this time must be for them, I find myself thinking of absolutely ridiculous and inconsequential things.  I think about how he never got around to sending me that recipe he made for his anniversary with his girlfriend.  I think about how he’ll never get to see see the new companion on Doctor Who or find out who the mother is on How I Met Your Mother.  We used to always go back and forth about TV shows, and all I can think about is that we will never do that again.  We’ll never disagree about whether or not Once Upon A Time was good this week.  We’ll never dissect Doctor Who to painful detail.  It’s hard for me to really wrap my mind around the fact that this person who I talked to a week ago isn’t here anymore.  It doesn’t seem possible.  It doesn’t seem real.

Sometimes I forget he’s gone – just for a second.  I’ll be reading cases or typing up notes and just for a second, he’s not gone.  But then I remember and it hurts all over again, maybe worse than before.  Because every second I forget and remember, he’s gone another second.  And it hurts.

I guess the point of this post is to realize that life truly is short.  You never know what your next day will bring.  It could bring something wonderful and beautiful.  Or it can bring something truly awful.  The one thing that I’ve really taken from this is that you cannot take your friends and family for granted.  Recognize those relationships that you have in your life and value them.  This experience has made me truly appreciate my friends here.  The ones who know what happened have been amazing in helping me get through this.  It’s comforting to know that even if I dont’ want to talk, there are people who are willing to listen.

So, do me a favor today and give your friend a hug.  Give your grandparents a call.  Take the time to nurture those relationships you have and be grateful that you have those people in your life.


11 thoughts on “Remembering

  1. It hurts like hell when it happens. It’ll hurt every day you think about him. You’ll think about him less and less every day, and it’ll hurt less and less. Then one day, you won’t think about him at all. Then that will hurt like hell. It’s a long and grueling process but eventually you’ll reach the equilibrium of being so thankful for having the chance to have known him and it won’t hurt to miss him. It’s a blessing at that point. Stay strong 🙂

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